What does one do when the pain is this bad……..I knew I was in trouble earlier this evening when I could not stand to sit her in my comfortable chair (although this is where I am now – my default position). I went to bed initially about 7.30. Here it is almost 2.00am and again for the fourth night in a row sleep is eluding me. I feel as if both my legs and my left arm is in a start of combustion. The pain is searing, burning, torturing and for the first time in a long while I feel as if I cannot cope with it. Hence I am writing as this is one way that i am able to loose myself.
My tossing and turning is disturbing Hb so I have removed myself and am now watching TV and writing about this thing that is my constant companion. The pain pills have not touched the sides tonight and despite the earlier efficiency of he new concoction they appear not to help during a flare such as I am having at the moment.
I am currently reading a great book called Two Steps Forward written by Graeme Simsion and his wife Anne Buist. Its a story of renewal – physical, spiritual and psychological. Its the story written about two people who set out to walk, the two thousand kilometres, from Cluny to Santiago in the footsteps of pilgrims who have been walking the Camino for two centuries.
I have read Graeme’s previous books the Rosie Project and the Rosie Effect which I thoroughly enjoyed. As i am reading this current book I am thinking to myself wouldn’t it be wonderful to be able to do something like this. Then as I said I got out of bed and had trouble even walking to the lounge room such is the quantum of the pain and state of my physicality tonight. So I think the Camino is definitely out of the equation.
I did have a funny moment yesterday. It was very hot here on New Years Day so I decided to have a swim. When I got out of the pool I received a always welcome call from my friend L., as I was sitting on the deck in my lovely new reading chair. Now those of you who have followed the blog and heard me talk of the symptoms of having CRPS is that on occasion (and for me it is generally preceding a bad flare) you have the feeling of ants crawling over your skin and biting you. As I talked and laughed with L. I was thinking to myself here comes a bad flare I can feel the ants on my skin. The phone call finished and when I looked down I actually had ants crawling all over my legs and feet. The formication was very real. HB has sprayed around the pool for ants today.
Part of my conversation with L was my expression of annoyance about people sending chain emails on FB and clogging the system. We started talking then about how times have changed and we both could recall how “distressed” our mothers would become if they received a chain letter in the mail. I spoke with Mum about this today and she said part of her problem with this was the anonymity of the whole process. I can remember one occasion very clearly when Mum got a letter inviting her to make a Novena for some cause or other. There were the names and addresses of several people in the letter inviting the receiver to sent the letter onto (i think) nine of there friends together with the people named in the letter. The letter invited the receiver to make the prayer and tell the people to whom they were writing how the prayer had helped them. Mum said the letter contained claims of people being cured from dreadful afflictions and the infertile giving birth.. The sender was to remain anonymous and Mum felt that if people were inviting her to pray for a special intercession they should have had the courage to sign the letter. She was able to recall talking it over which Dad when he came home from work and asking her friends if they had received the letter. She said that she consigned the letter to the garbage bin. I then was reflecting that if that was still practice today the mere act of send out 18 letters (9 included in the letter and 9 new people whose addresses were added to the letter to be sent out) would be a very costly exercise indeed. However Mum was able to remind me that stamps were not quite so expensive back then.
I am also feeling somewhat bemused about people making New Years Resolutions and posting them on Facebook for all the world to see. All the literature of course on setting goals says you have a better chance of achieving the goal is you write it down. I wonder if come June or July any of us will be asking those who have posted the “goals” online, how such and such is going. I also wonder if the person making the resolution will remember what they have posted. Now don’t get me wrong I am all for having goals and working towards their fruition my point is more about the way these things have crept into the public arena.
Someone did ask today if members of a group I belong to on FB if people remembered a particular nightspot which was very popular with young people back maybe 25 – 30 years ago. I did not share the story on FB but I remembered a story about my second daughter when she was in YR 11 did not come home from the movies at 11.30 as arranged. At 1.00am her friend’s mother and I were becoming a bit concerned and I made the comment to her on the phone that they must probably met daughter No1 and had gone to the nightspot. In the meantime another parent who I did not know and whose daughter I had never hear of, began ringing to finding out where his daughter was. At 2.30 my friend J and I decided enough was enough and we decided we would go and see if we could find our tardy daughters. Well all I can say is J had the good grace to get dressed appropriately for entering a nightspot. I was in my PJs. We found the girls in the nightspot and as we were driving them home we said we would laugh about this one day. (and we were right) My kids who are parents tell there kids about the night Grandmother came and made B come home dressed in her pyjamas in an attempt I think to let their kids know that they could be just as embarrassing as I was on that morning.
I thank the universe for the provision of Foxtel in this house so i have something to occupy me on nights such as these. I am a great watcher of Quiz shows and Pointless (a particular favourite of mine) is on. I suspect that the current atmospheric changes may be impacting on how my pain is reacting tonight.