Sixty Five Reasons to be Grateful

It is my birthday tomorrow and I will be old enough for the aged pension. I have written a list of sixty five things for which I am thankful

1. My Husband – I have been truly blessed to be married to Terry for the last (almost) 45 years. We started going out when I was just 16 and I could not imagine my life without him. 2. My 4 children – we have four kids who have all grown into four very independent adults each one very different from the other but I love and cherish each one equally
5. My 8 grandchildren – ranging in age from 20 – 3 (six girls and 2 boys) each one has brought love and light and happiness to our family
14. My great grand daughter – what can I say about this little poppet. She was born 13 weeks too early but is now a 2 and 1/2 year old pocket rocket
15. My parents – my Dad never left me in any doubt that he was proud of me and ended every conversation, when I was leaving with “I love you Sis”. I miss him. Mum is 91 and still with us. She always puts her family first and is an inspiration to many.
16. My siblings – an older brother and three younger sisters. Many memories of happy times shared
17. My friends – both old, new and those I have not met. I am still friends with kids I started primary school with, some I went to high school with, some I worked with, the wife of an old boyfriend and many I have met along the journey.
18. Laughter – I could not image what life would be like if we did not have the ability to laugh. I have the unfortunate tendency to laugh at inappropriate times and this has almost been my undoing on several occasions.
19. Books – no explanation needed here. I even love the smell of books
20. Sunshine – the world is a brighter place when the sun is shining and my mood is more positive when the sun is shining
21. The Internet – It is a great source of knowledge and information. The net also allows me to maintain contact, in my current situation, with the outside world.
22. Living in Australia – no explanation necessary
23 Eyesight – allows me to read lol
24. My Pain Specialist – when I was first diagnosed I had some rather unfortunate experiences consulting Pain Specialists however have been blessed to find Professor Cousins.
25. Modern medicine – while it has not been able to cure CRPS I often wonder what it would be like to live with this condition in the early part of last century.
26. My Home
27. The ability to read – see no. 19
28. My dog – Cedric, the super dog who came from dog rescue
29. Opportunities – I have been blessed to have many opportunities both personally and professionally and these have enriched my life
30. My green chair – I have a wonderful chair which reclines and this is my saviour on nights when I can’t sleep
31. Comfortable shoes – Many of you would know that I love shoes. I am grateful for comfortable ones because that is all I can wear these days.
32. Track pants – comfort and some style
33. Cryptic crosswords – I can loose myself of a long time in a cryptic
34. Cousins – these are the friends we have in childhood and I am blessed to have reconnected with many in adulthood
35. A good cry – ( as opposed to a bad cry) there is nothing as cathartic as having a good cry and letting it all out
36 Sleep – I love it when I can get it
37. Handwritten mail – I love to receive a handwritten letter
38. Finding others with CRPS – since our appearance on Insight (SBS) many who have CRPS have connected me and this has made the journey somewhat more bearable
39. Lake Macquarie – we live five minutes walk from the lake and ten minutes drive from the beach
40. Colour – life would be very boring without it
41. Flowers – bring me great happiness
42. Libraries – One of my favourite places to go (when I am mobile enough) …..I can loose myself in the library and spend untold time there.
43. Music – I have very eclectic taste in music and music often soothes my thoughts
44. Acts of kindness – these remind me that people can be good for the sake of goodness
45. The gift of voice – to be able to sing, talk, communicate, whisper sweet nothings and have a chat. Those that know me well know I love a chat.
46. Second chances – imagine if everything we did had no hope of a “try again.”
47. Glasses – many things I do every day, reading, writing, watching tele would be impossible without my glasses
48. Birthdays
49. Pianola – some years ago I came into some unexpected cash so purchased a pianola. I just love it. Little kids are fascinated by it. Great for sing a longs
50. Encouragement – so many people have supported me in my life and endeavours and without them things may have been very different
51. Hope – sometimes it is hard to find but it is always in the background
52. Honesty – always the best policy
53. Films – there is nothing like a film that leaves you feeling moved, happy or sad
54. Now – it is wonderful to live in the moment because the only time we have is now
55. Joy – is all around we just have to look for it but often we are blind to it
56. Strength – I am no longer physically strong but I am thankful for my internal strength
57. Memories – good ones, even the bad ones have a place in making me who I am
58. Chocolate – how could you get through life without it
59. Clean sheets -we are lucky enough to have a cleaner who comes in on a Tuesday. One of her tasks is to change the sheets and getting into bed on Tuesday night is a comforting experience.
60. Family history – knowing where I fit and my place in the scheme of the family is an important aspect of who I am.
61. the number 4 – has always been important. Both houses we have owned are number 4.
62. Hair – I have always been blessed with thick hair
63. the Ocean – childhood memories and the smell of salt
64. Having CRPS – has taught me much
65. Wisdom that comes with age – This is one of the joys of turning 65

Insomnia and CRPS

I am beyond tired, beyond exhausted, beyond weary, beyond worn out, beyond fatigued beyond beyond. Yet here it is at 5.00 am and I am writing a blog entry.  I have not been to sleep at all tonight.

I am unable to sleep, again. This is the reality of having Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. The pain of the blankets on my limbs and the pressure the mattress makes being in bed and trying to sleep a chore rather than a pleasure, You see I have always loved being tucked in be with a good book and have always loved my sleep.

I am currently having a particularly prolonged and severe pain flare. During a flare the pain becomes heightened and this leads to a problem with many things not the least of which is sleep. Not being able to sleep in turn interferes with the pain and the whole thing becomes cyclical.

In the course of this condition I have done lots of reading and of course, spoken to professionals about sleep hygiene. One important thing I learned was not to nap during the day. This proves impossible after a few nights of not being able to sleep. Over the past ten days I have spent much of my time napping. Today however I decided not to nap and to stay awake in the hope of sleep overtaking me this evening……..oh sleep, I do miss you.

Grandmothers

Grandmothers have always fascinated me. As a child I did not know my grandmothers. My maternal grandmother had passed away when i was three years old and my paternal grandmother died when my dad was just 12. Other kids at school and in my neighbourhood had grandmothers and this was a source of great envy on my part. In those days of course grandmothers looked different than they do today. Grandmothers always dressed in dark colours, always wore stockings, a hat when leaving the house and a pinafore when at home. They always (in my experience) had long hair which was generally snowy white and they wore it styled in a bun. Oh how I wanted a grandmother of my own as even as a little girl I recognised the special relationship that can exist between grandparent and grandchild.

I can remember Sophie, my great grandmother but for most of my life until her death (when I was eight) she lived in Sydney, so I did not see very much of her. One of my earliest memories however involves Sophie. She was staying with my grandmother and we were visiting and Sophie asked Mum if she could take me to the corner shop. I was about three years old at the time and while she was told I could not go with her she decided that she would take me with her anyway. Next thing Mum and grandma knew a neighbour came with the news that we had been hit by a bus. It was not as bad as it first sounded and we weren’t injured, the bus went right over the top of us and Sophie had shielded me with her body as the bus passed over us. I have a vague memory of this event even though I was very little and I recognise in her the strength (of giving me protection) that I see in my own mother, her granddaughter.

Fast forward about forty years and when I was told I was to become a grandmother for the first time I was not exactly happy. This was nothing to do with the arrival of a grandchild it was more to do with the status of grandmotherhood. Grandmothers were old women and I was not an old woman. It took me some weeks to come to terms with this change in status but the night that my first grandchild arrived I was knocked sideways by the overwhelming sense of wonder, awe and love. This feeling was replicated seven more times over the ensuing 18 years as I became grandmother eight times in all. Two of my grandchildren were born and spent their early years in Darwin and it was with much joy when the family moved “home” some seven years ago.

Fast forward another 20 years and I was to face similar feelings when told I was to become a great grandmother. My trepidations were the same, I was not old enough to be a great grandmother. My great-granddaughter could not wait to come into the world and arrived 13 weeks early. Seeing her surrounded by tubes and machines I was again knocked sideways but wondered what the outcome would be for this little scrap who fitted into the palm of her mothers hand. She survived and has flourished with no resultant issues from her impatient arrival. The the excellent love and care provided by a protective young mum has helped her become a toddler who shows great curiosity and ability to explore the world around her.

And so it happened that there are five generations of females in my mum’s line. Mum is 91 and living in a nursing home and sharp as a tack. She likes nothing better than a visit from her children, her grandchildren, her great grandchildren and now from her great great granddaughter.

It is my hope that my great grand daughter and my grandchildren will know the love of the four generations of women (and men) who have preceded them and will look back and remember, with happiness, their grandmother as a woman who loved them unconditionally and without reservation.

Surviving a Flare

I am having a pain flare at the moment – feeling lousy and really exhausted. Last time I had a bad flare I considered what I needed to do to get through and decided to put together a Flare Survival Kit ready to go when I needed it. Because one of the things you can be sure of  with CRPS is that a flare will recur. It is important to bear in mind when having a flare though “it is what it is” and the fact that it certainly happens, with some regularity, putting together this kit is an attempt at normalising rather than catastrophising the flare.

Over the past few days it has been a bonus not to have to look for or think about what would help.

The things that I got together in the kit:

Distractions –
iPad – my favourite are cryptic crosswords, scrabble and riddle apps
Journal and pens
a novel ( one I know I will like – if I am truthful I have three on hand)
planner
blog ideas book
creative writing prompt cards
Foxtel and dvds
relaxing music CDs
Comfort clothes – last year I was lucky enough to find a couple of pair of pyjamas that are so soft that you can hardly feel them against the skin. I purchased two pairs so I am keeping one pair specifically for pain flare day(s). A really soft blanket that my friend knitted for me is a must in this cold weather, as are soft, fluffy socks.
Motivation – I have always been a fan of decks of motivational cards. I have a couple of packs that are favourites so these went. I find when I get to a point where I think I can’t do it any more that these remind me that I can keep going with a few little gentle reminders and affirmations.
Sustenance:
bottled water
chocolate
cups of tea
Skin care – with CRPS the skin is very sensitive to even the slightest touch. During a flare this symptom can be exacerbated. However the skin dries out dreadfully. So even though it can be very painful to apply moisturiser is an important component of the kit. Both face and body moisturiser are included.

Noise reduction: when the pain is particularly bad any noise at all can be unpleasant and uncomfortable. Ear plugs are a can’t be without.
Are there other things that you think I should have on hand for times like this?

These are a few of my favourite things

Have you ever been asked What is your favourite book? movie? food?

I have many times and thought it would be interesting to list some of these things and share them here on the blog. The reason for this is that my answers change, depending on my mood, my stage of life, trends or what has been happening around me. Some of these things you may know about me, others you may not.

I plan to come back to it in 12 months and compare if the answers have changed what have been the influences impacting on these changes.

So……

1. Favourite movie (s) :
The Shawshank Redemption
Chocolat
The Dressmaker
Suffragettes
Love Actually

2. Favourite Book (s)
To Kill a Mockingbird                          Harper Lee
Jasper Jones                                           Craig Silvey
The Clan of the Cave Bear (series)   Jean Auel
The House of Spirits                             Isabelle Allende
One Sunday                                              Joy Dettman
I Came to Say Goodbye                        Caroline Overington

This list could go on and on.

3. Favourite Pet: that would have to be Cedric, our shiz tsu

4. Favourite colour: Green

5. Favourite flower: Sweet Pea

6. Favourite hobbies: reading, cryptic crossword puzzles, writing, family history

7. Favourite Childhood Memory: visiting my grandfather with my Dad

8. Favourite place for a holiday: Dunbogan, mid north coast, NSW

9. Favourite Sounds: rain on the roof

10. Favourite season: Autumn

11. Favourite song: I Dreamed a Dream from Les Miserables

12. Favourite teacher: Sister Mary Bartholomew, St Anne’s Adamstown

13: Favourite TV show: Call the Midwife, The Catherine Tate Show, The Two Ronnies

13. Favourite book as a child: The Five Little Peppers and How They Grew

14. Favourite movie as a child: The Kidnappers

15. Favourite smell: Bread baking